Hands up don't taunt

In my suburb police torture is distressing to the locals.  Cops will confiscate your smartphone and replace it with last year’s model.  They will force grown men to ride their bikes in the street instead of on the sidewalk.  They will take a black permanent marker and mark out the “H” in the logo of your North Face jacket so it looks like “The Nort Face.”  

They will use that same black marker to draw big circles on the headlights of your BMW so that the front of the car looks like it’s cross-eyed.  They will glue junk food to the flowering shrubs in front of your house so it looks like they're growing Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.  They will trick you into thinking that, under the teachings of traditional Chinese medicine, your dominant element is Metal when in fact it’s Earth.  Advocates for reparations are getting organized.