Interior decorating

"And there was the trio of college students who had each managed to drink thirty ounces of vodka in about as many minutes. After the students had been bundled to the hospital and pumped clean, some rookie paramedics talked about how they had never seen puke on a ceiling before."
-- From the article "The Strange Happiness of the Emergency Medic," by Chris Jones in the August 2009 issue of Esquire.

Rarely available

So I'm trying to sell my condo, and the day before it goes on the market, the toilet stops working the way it should. I ordered a small part necessary for the repair (the "flapper"), but it'll take a week to get here.

While this is going on, my real estate agent comes by the condo to put out promotional literature and special cards (that look like place setting cards) with handwritten notes to point out special features of the condo to prospective buyers. These cards are preprinted with the name of the real estate agency over the word "Feature" and then there's a space to write a note.

Unfortunately, those cards were the only paper we had available to place a warning on the toilet, so it says "Feature! Toilet not working, parts for repair on order."