Ding-Dongs to the insurgents

Democrats are soft on terrorism. It's true; Republicans say so when they're campaigning. Republicans are tough on terrorism. But given that we are blessed with a Republican White House, Republican Senate, Republican House of Representatives, Republican Supreme Court, and newly created Republican Department of Freedom and Republican Bureau of Patriotism, why haven't we already emerged victorious over terrorism in Iraq?

The answer is obvious to some and surprising to others. A Pentagon leak confirmed late last Friday night that there are probably Democrats serving in the U.S. Armed Forces portion of the multinational coalition of the willing. Democrat soldiers, sailors, pilots, and even marines have watered down the otherwise stouthearted military strength of these United States.

The clear majority of U.S. military killed in action in Iraq since 2003 have probably been brave Republicans, while Democrats have been busy throwing (underhand) Hostess Twinkies, Fruit Pies, Ho-Hos, and Ding-Dongs to the insurgents.

Just as alarming, an Army recruiter in Massachusetts has admitted, under condition of anonymity, to fulfilling monthly recruitment quotas by signing up dozens of openly Democrat men and women.

These trends will only delay our victory over evil, but now that the truth is out, U.S. citizens will understand why we have to wait longer for our troops to return home. (If they decide to return home. 'Cause they'll be mostly flip-floppers.)